Entropy Reducers Amalgamated

So yesterday my relatively new (3 months) HP Officejet 7210 all-in-one printer -- really a nice machine, comes with an ethernet interface so I could put it far away from any machine printing to it, and close to the phone jacks so it can be a good fax, flatbed scanner/copier, etc. -- decides to up and die on me, telling me that the color printer cartridge (that came with the machine!) is, all of the sudden, the incorrect cartridge for the printer.

Um, this is kind of déjà vu for me now, since my OfficeJet 4215 died a similar death back in March, which is what prompted me to spring the extra $200 on the fancier, better-dressed printer.

(Of course, it's not the $1000 laserjet machine, but I needed to buy a printer RIGHT THEN and that's what Staples had in stock that evening)

So, I go to HP's site looking for support on it, and lo and behold they give me instructions: remove and reinsert the cartidges. If that doesn't work, then “call support”. Calling in this case is using their 24/7 web-chat-support feature with someone (most likely in a timezone 12 hours from my own).

I can't complain about that, because the chat works, and the support guy helped answer my questions.

First I had to

Follow the steps below to power cycle your all-in-one: 1. Unplug the all-in-one from power and disconnect the connection port.(USB) 2. Wait 30 seconds. 3. Plug in the power only. 4. Repeat steps 2-3 two more times. 5. On the third time after plugging the unit into power, reconnect the connection port from the all-in-one to your computer.

Two to three times I have to powercycle this beastie! Sweet fancy Mushke, would it have killed them to put in a “really hard we mean it” hard reset button?

Oh well, so I jump through these hoops. (Reminds me of the old joke: how can you tell the field-service rep changing his tires on the side of the road? He's the one swapping tires in and out to see which one is flat.)

What I did not like was that part of the debugging process involves breaking into a new package of (expensive, ’natch) cartridges to try them out. But that's just me being cheap. With two new cartridges in the machine, my printer now reads:

Insert Print Cartridges but that's neither here nor there.

After all of this, Mr. Tech Support declares:

xxxxxx: This shows the issue seems to be with the printer hardware
xxxxxx: Please let me know the serial number of the All-in-One
[my response]
xxxxxx: It appears that this device has experienced a hardware failure and I shall be glad to process the request for a printer replacement with your permission for free of cost and you will receive the unit with in 5 to 7 business days.
jerry altzman: that would be delightful

Well, raise my rent! They're going to ship me a new one. Of course, this item is a “collateral product”, and therefore

xxxxxx: However, the All-in-One is a collateral product, that is, you would be required to ship the defective All-in-One on receipt of the replacement. Therefore, you would be required to provide us the credit card information as security.

NOTE: do not provide the Credit Card information in this chat session

In cases where HP did not receive the defective part/unit within 30 calendar days of shipment of the exchange part/unit from you then you will be charged for the exchange part/unit.Return instructions and pre-paid shipping label are included.

(You can picture him cutting and pasting from his script file right into the chat window.) I get a call 20 minutes later by someone named “Archie” (surely short for Akhbar Samagutrapan or some similar indic Upper-Baluchistanian name, judging by the heavy accent on the phone) asking for my credit card number, which I provide (no, I've gone through credit card fraud once on my business card, I'm not going to provide it to you, too) and now in 5 to 7 business days they'll ship me a new machine. Of course, I'm without printer and fax machine during that time, so it's time to handwrite those paychecks.