Entropy Reducers Amalgamated

Recently (last week) I flew up to Ottawa on Porter Air. I went EWR→YTZ→YOW.

I was really hoping to gate check my bags rather than regular-check them, it's easier and all, so I made sure to leave my frightening Leatherman tool at home this time.

I forgot that in my backpack were two 6" screwdrivers.

In Newark, nobody blinked at anything, I got to gate-check my bag.

In Toronto City Centre, when I went through security, they got scared because of a keychain screwdriver (it's less than 2" long--see here except mine is black). "It's a tool. Sorry, you can't bring that on board." Um, what about the screwdrivers in my bag? They didn't even see or care about those.

Go figure. At least they let me go back and check through my bag rather than summarily confiscating it.

Actually, though, I do recommend Porter if you have to fly to Canada, they're quite nice.

Posted by Jerry B. Altzman at 2:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The Empire State Building guards are beginning to catch on. Now they require me to carry my coffee through the metal detector. And 2 times out of 3, they ask me to turn on my laptop—hoping to find what, I don’t know.

Go figure.

Posted by Jerry B. Altzman at 12:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

So yesterday I returned to the scene of my previous nefarious deeds—the Empire State Building—and once again attempted to gain entrance to the building.

This time, however, the security guards became twice as clever.

Before I passed through the metal detector, I dutifully placed my Leatherman tool into the little tray so it could be inspected.

And inspected it was.

They opened it. They examined the pliers, and the file, and then...

..they noticed that—oh my heavens!—it has a 2” blade on it.

Oh no!

I was told I could turn it in “for a receipt”, but I have about as much faith in these people as I do in the TSA inspectors. I decided to leave the building instead.

I went outside, called my client up, who sent someone down to meet me. I handed my Leatherman tool to the someone, who put it in his pocket and walked through the (unmonitored!) tenants’ turnstile. I went back to the security checkpoint and resubmitted myself for interrogation.

When I went back through, nothing was wrong, but I was asked to please “show [them my] socks”. Hello? Did you think I was going to shove it in my socks and try to sneak it through! Of course not. I gave it to a tenant, who is unmolested.

I would call them circus clowns, if only this were all funny.

Posted by Jerry B. Altzman at 4:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

...with apologies to Bruce Schneier.

Occasionally I have to visit a client who works in the Empire State Building. Tenants walk in to the building, swipe a proximity card at a turnstile and walk directly to the elevator of their choice to go upstairs.

Visitors have to go through a metal detector and pass their bags through an X-ray machine. Presumably this is to catch the errant delivery-boy bringing up an order of coffee and C4. Now, I generally carry a Leatherman PST2 little multi-tool gizmo—I often need to use the needle-nose pliers for something or the screwdriver—and the device comes with a small, 2" blade.

Up until a few weeks ago, the security at the gates would have no problems with me passing this through the little bucket they give you for metal things that they then scrutinize by eye...they would just let it pass through and hand it back to me “here you go, sir.” They would, however, insist that I turn on my laptop, for what reason I do not know. (What if the battery was out? Would they forbid me from bringing it up? They claim no. So why bother making me open up my bag, bring it out and power it on? No answer but blank stares.)

Now, for the past two weeks, they've been hassling me about my Leatherman tool.
“What is this?”
“It’s a tool.”
“Do you need it?”
(um...how do you answer that? “No, I just wear it because it attracts women”?) “Yes, I use it every day.”

Once they even went on:
“It has a knife blade on it.”
“Yes, I have found that useful in opening boxes.”
At that point I just get a dirty look and am permitted through.

I am really not quite sure what they are hoping to gain by making a fuss over a 2 inch knife blade and a pair of pliers. Does that represent a significant security threat? Do they feel I’m going to go on a mass-murdering rampage with my file and blade? Perhaps I will attempt to disassemble an elevator? Why the sudden change in attitude towards what is an innocuous tool?

(By the way: there is no request for any kind of picture ID, and only once was I even asked to which floor I was headed. There isn’t even any accounting for picking up bags out of the X-ray machine! I could be picking up someone else’s bag, and no one would be the wiser.)

Meanwhile, the gaping security hole I should mention (in an obligatory fashion) is that I can pass my Starbucks coffee cup through without inspection every single time. I simply pass it around the metal detector and pick it up on the far side. Evidently, a 2” knife blade is scary, but a 8” tall cup that could be filled with anything (they do not open the lid to ensure that there is coffee in there...they don’t even move the cup to see that it is warm) gets an automatic pass. The cup could be filled with any kind of inflammable liquid (the kind the airlines are afraid of) and ignited and cause great damage. (No, I don’t do this. The Starbucks coffee is hot enough to burn my mouth, that’s all.)

Talk about non-security through mild inconvenience...this takes honorable mention, at least.

Posted by Jerry B. Altzman at 10:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)